


Well I'M Not an Axe Murderer!

by kitsunequeen



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, also a super unhelpful one, drunk!isaac, isaac is a really happy drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-20
Updated: 2014-11-20
Packaged: 2018-02-26 03:13:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2635904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitsunequeen/pseuds/kitsunequeen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr prompt: "mutual drunk friend called BOTH of us to pick them up from a club well this is awkward" AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	Well I'M Not an Axe Murderer!

“D’rek?” a voice slurs into the phone.

 

“Isaac?” Derek asks, concerned. “Is that you?”

 

Isaac doesn’t sound concerned at all. More like totally carefree, actually. Carefree and happy and _drunk_.

 

“Mmhmmmmmmmmmmm,” he says, giggling increasingly madly the longer he holds the ‘m’.

 

“Isaac, are you drunk?” Derek asks, though if he weren’t it would be even more disconcerting, given his current manner.

 

“Sooooooo drunk,” Isaac says happily, and laughs again.

 

“Is someone with you?”

 

“You’re so grouchy, Der’k. Gotta loosen up.”

 

“Yeah, well you sound about as loose as it gets. Where are you?”

 

“’M at The Jungle. Scott was here before but he hadda go. Had a few drinks since then.”

 

“Yeah, Isaac, I can tell. How many is a few?”

 

Isaac hiccups from the other end of the line.

 

Derek sighs. “Right. Do you need me to come get you?”

 

“Prob’ly.”

 

“Fine. _Stay there_. Got it?”

 

“So grouchy,” Isaac says again.

 

“ _Isaac_.”

 

“Gonna stay here Der’k, don’t worry.”

 

“Good. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

 

“Bye,” Isaac says, laughing some more till the line goes dead.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Derek pulls up outside The Jungle, Isaac is sitting on the curb, talking to a man. A rather good-looking man, which is a red flag for Derek.

 

He steps out of his Camaro and walks up behind him, and says, “Hey.”

 

Mystery Man jumps and makes a wild noise that sends Isaac into peals of laughter, and even makes Derek smirk a little.

 

“Gave me a heart attack, dude,” the guy says. “You need something? Not to be rude but I’m kinda busy here.”

 

“I can see that. You’re chatting up my drunken friend on the sidewalk.”

 

“Your friend? Isaac, do you know this guy?”

 

“I’m Derek Hale, he was my roommate for two years. Pretty sure he knows me.”

 

“Isaac?” the other man insists.

 

“He’s Derek Hale,” Isaac says, mocking Derek’s tone.

 

“Look, no offense, but I’m not terribly convinced you actually know each other, so. I’m just gonna take him home now.”

 

Derek crosses his arms and draws himself up a little, not a fan of being challenged. “Yeah, well I’m not convinced you know him, either. You could’ve been standing here talking to him for the past ten minutes, and getting his name wouldn’t’ve been terribly hard.”

 

Derek reaches out a hand to pull Isaac to his feet, but the other man intercepts his arm halfway there. He quickly lets go when he sees the look on Derek’s face.

 

“You could be a serial killer,” the guy says, voice completely serious. “I’m not just gonna let you take him with you. Ever hear of never get in a car with a strange man? Well you don’t let your friends do it either.”

 

“Friends? Fine. What’s his last name?”

 

“Uhhhhh… Smith?”

 

“Is that the best you can do?”

 

“It’s the statistically most common last name in America!”

 

“Oh, well then. That qualifies you to take Isaac home.”

 

“Okay, well he’s not really my friend, he’s a friend of a friend. He asked me to pick him up here. So no, I don’t know every detail about his life. Except that he’s a seriously happy drunk.”

 

“This is getting more convincing by the second.”

 

“Oh yeah? Well if you’re so smart, then what _is_ his last name?”

 

“Lahey.”

 

“Well how do I know you’re not making that up?! That’s a ridiculous name anyway; I’ve never heard of it.”

 

Derek rolls his eyes. “Are conspiracy theories and paranoia common with you?”

 

“A Stilinski family characteristic; my dad’s the sheriff. Oh, hey! My dad’s the sheriff. C’mon, you’ve gotta know him! John Stilinski? And I’m his loveable, trouble-making son Stiles?”

 

“Okay one, you think _Stiles Stilinski_ is a more realistic fake name than Isaac Lahey? Are you even trying? Two, I moved here three weeks ago, I don’t know anything about Beacon Hills yet. And three, did you just call yourself loveable? Because that isn’t helping your I’m-not-a-creep case at all.”

 

Stiles throws his hands up in exasperation and says, “Fine. Well we appear to have reached an impasse, because I’m not leaving here without him, and I’m certainly not letting potential-axe-murderer-Derek-Hale drive off with him. So I guess we’ll just have to camp here overnight and wait for him to sober up, hmm?”

 

“No. I’m taking him.”

 

“Oh really?” Stiles crosses his arms too and draws himself up to his full height, which still isn’t as tall as Derek.

“Yes.”

 

“I can’t let that happen. So how bout,” he stops to wave a hand at his Jeep, “you come while I drop him off, and then I’ll drive you back here to pick up your car?”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Wait, seriously?” Stiles asks, but Derek has already pulled Isaac to his feet and is shuffling him towards the open backseat of Stiles’ waiting car. “Dude, I didn’t-“

 

A look from Derek silences him.

 

“Fine,” he mutters, walking around to the driver’s side where he slides in next to Derek, who’s already shut both his and Isaac’s doors.

 

“Drive us to my house,” Derek orders, punching his address into the GPS. “I don’t want you knowing where he lives.”

 

“Okay, so if I am some type of murderer, isn’t it just as bad for you to get in a car with me, and for me to know where your house is?”

 

“No.”

 

“And why is that?”

 

“Because I’ll kill you first. Isaac is too nice.”

 

“Love you too, D’rek,” Isaac pipes up.

 

“This was such a bad idea,” Stiles singsongs under his breath. “I’m gonna kill Scott.”

“Scott?” Derek asks.

 

“Yes, Scott. He’s one of my axe murderer friends. We were gonna get Isaac here together, you know. Take him out into the preserve and rough him up a bit them bam! Off with his head.”

 

“Scott McCall?” Derek asks, ignoring the sarcasm. It’s actually kind of endearing, and he most definitely shouldn’t be finding any part of this endearing.  

 

Stiles glances at him for a second before returning his attention to the road. “You know Scott?”

 

“Yeah, he’s friends with Isaac and me. He- oh.”

 

“What?”

 

“When Isaac called me to pick him up, he said Scott left him there.”

 

 “Isaac, did you call Scott and Derek both to pick you up?” Stiles demands.

 

“Yep,” Isaac says, nonplussed. “Hadda make sure someone got me. Not safe to drive.”

 

“Oh my god, drunk you is an even bigger idiot than regular you. Did you consider, like, telling anyone that you called more than one person to come get you?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Course you didn’t,” he grumbles, then turns his attention back to Derek. “Well there you have it. Scott had to run and pick his mom up from her shift at the hospital and apparently Isaac called him totally hammered asking for a ride, approximately ten seconds before he called you, too, and then Scott called me because he’s still out. So I guess neither of us are psychopaths then, and this is totally pointless. Excellent. Just the way I wanted to spend my Saturday night.”

 

“Yeah, because this is my favorite pastime too. There,” Derek adds, pointing to his building, and Stiles pulls to a stop. “Wait here." 

He manhandles Isaac out of the car and inside, and returns five minutes later.

 

“There,” he says. “Let’s go.”

 

The ride home is painfully silent.

 

Soon they’re back outside the club, pulling up behind Derek’s car.

 

“You know,” Stiles says, turning to face him. “I’m kinda glad you’re not plotting to kill me.”

 

“Most people would be.”

 

“Haha,” Stiles mutters. “I mean, if you were really a psycho, I wouldn’t be able to ask you if you wanna go hang out inside for a while,” he says, jerking a thumb at the club. His voice is level but his hopeful eyes give him away.

 

“Are you asking the guy you thought was some sort of drunk-guy-kidnapper ten minutes ago to go clubbing with you?”

 

“Yup. I’m a fan of the whole asshole-who-cares-about-his-friends thing.”

 

Derek smiles a little.

 

“Is that a yes?”

 

“On one condition.”

 

“What?”

 

“If Isaac ever does this again, you’re picking him up.”

 

“Deal,” Stiles laughs, stepping out of the car and walking around to open Derek’s door for him as well.

 

It turns out to be the best deal Derek’s made in a long time. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Comments and kudos are always appreciated<3 Visit me on tumblr at stilesbansheequeen!


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